I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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