i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
