this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
