I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
