I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
