I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
