Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
