I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
