Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
