This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
whose parrot is this?
Randomize
