Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
