i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
