You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
