We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Couch. On fire.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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