I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
