I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize