I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
