I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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