This girl is more easily done than said...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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