Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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