Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
