My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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