i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
