Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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