So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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