I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
