i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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