Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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