You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
two words: eviction party
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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