at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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