That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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