If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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