You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
