My nipple is on Facebook.
I skipped work to stalk him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
