We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
