You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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