I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
