he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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