i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
