You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
