Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
