i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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