I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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