ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
