Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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