Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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