Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
