Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
