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My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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