Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
