Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
