I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
